Santa Turns to Texas Memory

Santa, distributor of joy and toys, announced, that despite this year’s 5,000 percent increase in adults officially classified as naughty, he has completed processing his ‘Naughty or Nice’ list ahead of schedule.

This achievement is expected to please children worldwide who are concerned that the large number of high-profile adults that wound up on the naughty list would further cause gift giving missteps in 2009. In 2008, a worldwide government takeover of gift giving resulted in tax payers’ toy money going to adults who were classified as too naughty to fail. Many kids lost out as a result.
 
Continuing mismanagement in the financial and auto industries, misbehaviour in the entertainment sector, and global electoral irregularities, raised concerns that Santa’s computers wouldn’t be able to manage the huge increase in this year’s naughty transactions.
 
“We were heading for a not-so-jolly Christmas,” said Ms. Elf, senior executive vice president and database administrator at Santa (Global) Enterprises. “Santa’s eyes glazed over when I told him that our Oracle database was suffering because of severe latency issues between the servers and Fibre Channel RAID. I knew I had to take the initiative.”
 
Ms. Elf turned to the database performance experts at Texas Memory Systems. The nice salesperson recommended a couple of RamSan-620 Flash solid state disks for Santa’s datacentre and a 100,000 pack of RamSan-20 PCIe gift cards for DBAs who play video games on their company servers.
 
“The RamSan-620 solid state disk was much faster and far less expensive than adding hard disks to increase performance,” said Ms. Elf. “Not only did it save enough power to mitigate global warming, we saved enough money to pay a Wall Street executive’s Christmas bonus. However, they all ended up on the naughty list so the money is now helping us build more toys for nice kids.”